Monkeys

It’s awful to be paralyzed by indecision, and I have a huge dilemma on my mind. I can’t decide which is funnier: ten monkeys laughing, or one monkey crying.

Let’s be honest, here. Ten monkeys laughing has a lot going for it. They’re probably smoking cigars, guffawing, and slapping their cute monkey knees with their creepy humanoid hands (thumbs, bitches!). Maybe one of the monkeys just told a good monkey joke, like the classic “why did the monkey cross the road? To masturbate in front of children at the zoo!” (if you find yourself only mildly amused, please remember this joke is much funnier for monkeys than people. Their sense of humor is based on poopoo and peepee and masturbation, unlike people humor which involves those same things, but also puns).

On the other hand, there is a certain tragic hilarious charm about one monkey crying. What tragilarious fortune hath befallen thee, O sad monkey? Probably something banana-related, but that is only a guess. O sad monkey, I do not mean to belittle your tears if you cry about something serious, like a broken monkey heart or the loneliness of saudade (the Portuguese emotion of “longing for something which is now lost and may never return, and may never have existed in the first place.”)

In conclusion, it is funny whenever monkeys emote.