A Joke for the Oprah Crowd

What did Eckhart Tolle want for Christmas?

…….Presence.

An 11th grade Vocabulary Assignment

I was looking through old papers and I found this assignment from 11th grade where we had to write a sentence for each of the ten vocabulary words of the week, and if my sentences are any guide, it was around the same time ABC was airing a David Blaine magic special that amazed my stupid friends.

(the words: lucrative, reign, impudent, pariah, qualm, indignities, adept, legerdemain, rancor, abstemious)

1. The Magician could not deny how lucrative the deal would be; he would simply go on television and use traditional trick photography to convince foolish simpletons that he was a true warlock.

2. ABC was happy to accept his contract, knowing that the magic show would reign supreme over Wednesday Night’s disappointing lineup consisting of Fox’s “When Cars attack.”

3. One impudent employee of ABC dared to say, “Don’t you think people will realize that the Magician is only conning people out of their money, and he’s a phony like everyone else on Television?”

4. He was promptly fired and he became a social outcast or a bum, a hobo, a “pariah,” as some English teachers would say.

5. So finally the day came to film to show and the shrewd Magician had no qualms about what he had to do.

6. Of course, he realized the great indignities that would befall the general television audience if they ever learned of how stupid they were; after all, everyone knows its impossible to have ashes write down the name of a card on one’s arm.

7. However, he was quite adept at fooling them, as the ratings showed.

8. Ignoramuses like local high school students Jason Hunt and Ryan Kau sat dumbfounded as the Magician performed feats of impossible legerdemain.

9. The Next day, as Nick Confalone tried to explain that the Magician was a phony and his tricks were done just for television, he was met with the rancor of Jason and Ryan, who loved this new Magician with their hearts and souls.

10. The very wealthy Magician finally had enough money to no longer be abstemious, and he went out to by a thousand cars which he stacked up, much like waffles, until the reached a height of 13,457 feet, for no reason except that he had enough money to do so.