25 Years of Christmas

Every year, for pretty much my entire life, Dad has videotaped me and my sister coming down the stairs on Christmas morning. As teenagers, we begrudgingly accepted our fathers tradition, but as we grew up we realized we were part of something special–dare I say, “something magical.” (I do dare!) This year I edited the clips together, and with a little help of Vince Guaraldi’s Christmas Time is Here, our Christmas home video is out there on the internet, groping hearts around the world like a drunk Santa in love.

Nick’s brain: “Like a drunk Santa in love? That simile doesn’t make sense.”
Nick’s fingers: “UR NOT THE BOSS OF US, BRAIN!!!!!”

Dolphins and Mirrors

CNN is reporting that Dolphins react to their reflection in mirrors, just like humans! I don’t mean to take away from the glory of this remarkable discovery, but are you fucking kidding me? It’s almost 2011 and we’re just now putting mirrors in front of dolphins? That’s definitely on my list of “top five things to do with a dolphin.” If I had a dolphin–ugh, and I don’t– I’d be doing that shit all the time. I’d be like, “Yo, Dolphin, check out this other dolphin!” And then I’d drop a mirror in the tank. But I guess the real dolphin would be like, “Duh I know it’s just my reflection. Didn’t you read the article?” Damn, dolphin. That’s cold. That’s some cold-hearted dolphin shit right there.

In case you’re wondering, after “put a mirror in front of it,” the other four things I’d do with a dolphin are:
2) Swim with that fucker.
3) See if it chases a laser pointer.
4) See if it could play Simon.
5) Let it raise a kitten from birth so they’d be friends.

Doctors Without Borders

Subtitle: “the perils of working at Disney.”

Today in the lobby there was a doctor and he had all his equipment with him. I got excited because I could finally get the flu shot I’d been putting off for months. But when I asked him about it, I was informed that no, actors playing doctors on TV shows can not give flu shots.

DAMN YOU, NO ORDINARY FAMILY!