CNN is reporting that Dolphins react to their reflection in mirrors, just like humans! I don’t mean to take away from the glory of this remarkable discovery, but are you fucking kidding me? It’s almost 2011 and we’re just now putting mirrors in front of dolphins? That’s definitely on my list of “top five things to do with a dolphin.” If I had a dolphin–ugh, and I don’t– I’d be doing that shit all the time. I’d be like, “Yo, Dolphin, check out this other dolphin!” And then I’d drop a mirror in the tank. But I guess the real dolphin would be like, “Duh I know it’s just my reflection. Didn’t you read the article?” Damn, dolphin. That’s cold. That’s some cold-hearted dolphin shit right there.
In case you’re wondering, after “put a mirror in front of it,” the other four things I’d do with a dolphin are:
2) Swim with that fucker.
3) See if it chases a laser pointer.
4) See if it could play Simon.
5) Let it raise a kitten from birth so they’d be friends.
P.P.S. You’re hilarious.