Articles

Because sometimes I write things for other places:

Inception Interview.
[New York 7-19-10] Discussing plot, dreams, and philosophizing about stories in general.

Avatar Interview with Dileep Rao
[New York 1-20-10] Someone died in Taiwan and we discuss it. With jokes!

Who Will Write the Ghostbusters 3 Theme Song?
[New York 9-29-08] Life is better with a Huey Lewis soundtrack.

Paul Thomas Anderson’s Top Secret Play Revealed
[New York 8-6-08] Wherein Nick Confalone reviews a play.

Forget Speed Racer, the Future is TypeRacing
[New York 5-8-08] I actually liked Speed Racer, so I feel kind of bad for making fun of it.

My Love Affair With a Librarian, From Start to Finish, As Told Through the Dewey Decimal System
[Monkey Bicycle 1-15-08] This is a good example of a story that made no sense until I found the perfect title. After that, it was smoooooooth sailing.

Revenge of the Hollywood Desk Slaves
[LA Times 4-22-07] One time I started a website that got really popular for like a month, and I was sort of famous among a tiny subset of people, and then it stopped being popular and I wasn’t famous anymore.

Invisi-Christmas
[Out and About Delaware 12-1-05] Looking back, I’m not really sure what this was supposed to be about. I know they wanted a Christmas story and I didn’t really have anything interesting to say about Christmas. But I did have a wonderful, crazy Grandmom, and I wanted to talk about her, and also addiction, I guess? And Santa.

The Ballad of Matt Harrigon, Pinewood Derby Winner
[McSweeneys 10-19-05] When I was a Cub Scout, I always lost the Pinewood Derby. This is why.

The Time I Grew Up (Excerpts, Collected from Students who Witnessed the 1992 Burnett Elementary School “Monkeyball Incident,” Taken From Interviews Conducted Fifteen Years Later)
[Out and About Delaware 9-1-05] This is sort of a true story about this one time where I threw a monkeyball at this kid. If you don’t know what a monkeyball is, it’s a little spiky ball that grows on trees (that’s foreshadowing, baby).

Your Best Guy Friend is Me.
[McSweeneys 4-20-05] I have been known to make friends with girls I love, on occasion.

Things a Lieutenant Would Say to His Men Before Combat If, Instead of Soldiers in a Central American Revolutionary Conflict, He Thought They Were Characters in Contra for Nintendo.
[McSweeneys 2-14-05] I like to point out the differences between video games and real life.